If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
