He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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