butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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