scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
