Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
