is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am naked and annoyed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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