But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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