In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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