new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize