Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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