Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
