awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
