apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
