i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Watching her eat just hurts me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bring me that man meat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
