kristin has been a bad kristin
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
