Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
