I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
