i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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