I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
