just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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