Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
