How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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