Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
