u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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