so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
