shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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