i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
