Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
