let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
