he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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