ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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