well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
