I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
