WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
