went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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