There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
