One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
