Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
