Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
