it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
