Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize