she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dick has a subreddit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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