first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize