did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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