Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
