turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
