Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
