This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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