All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
