Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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