Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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