Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
