You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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