Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
