im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
