if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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