I will die if light touches me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
