we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
