I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
