Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
