My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
