so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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