Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
