Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
