just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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