I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
