if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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