I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
