He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
