Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
