I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
