dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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