I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
