There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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