Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
