....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
