when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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