never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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