someone get that fucking seahorse.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
