I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
