I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
