Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize