You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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