so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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