People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
