I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
