I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
