Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
