can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
