he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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